My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I supernannyed him into submission
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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