Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
