When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
