If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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