The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
