Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize