Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
