i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
