so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
