I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize