Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
