Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
