My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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