he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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