I'm eating all of the evidence.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
