...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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