i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
