I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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