i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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