i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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