All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
