it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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