as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
