I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize