I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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