Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
