The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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