im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
