Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
