she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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