so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
