its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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