that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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