Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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