I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
