you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
