No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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