Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
