how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
