I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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