he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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