You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize