I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
