the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I understand Curling. That high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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