You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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