end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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