You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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