just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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