is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
