I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
