You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm both gender and math confused
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
