I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
