i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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