Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
