Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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