why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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