the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
