I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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