and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
