life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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