I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
