my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
