you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
