Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
