Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
