I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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