it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
