found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize