Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
