I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
