Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
