Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
