I cockslap morals
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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