Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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