So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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