Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
