Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
